Upon reading a post written by a progressive Muslim man regarding dating, I replied with the following:
I hope I can answer your question about how you can be in a relationship with someone of differing beliefs without forcing your own on her. It's easy and it's difficult. The first step is very very important. Do you believe the same where it matters most to you? If yes, continue to step two, if no - move on, you will not be right together.
There are fundamental things that a couple must know about each other to determine if they can make it in the long haul: 1. religion, 2. kids and parenting style, 3. household expectations (i.e. roles), and 4. anything else that YOU personally might consider a "deal breaker". Don't compromise on these things, it will only cause resentment in the long run. Also, truly know yourself and be able to be honest with yourself. This may sound trite to some, but I personally believe that most men and women these days do not really know themselves until close to thirty.
Step two: if you don't want religion to be an issue, it won't be, but make SURE that she is on the same page with that. My boyfriend of over a year now is Chaldean. We were each warned by a common friend that (she's a Muslim) and (he's a Christian) because of our religious differences. But, I am a progressive Muslim with a Christian family and Christian children. I'm also an interfaith advocate. He's simply not that religious. Religion is not an issue for us because we don't make it one. His exact words to me one day (after asking if he wanted to go to church with us - the kids wanted to go), "don't take me to no church and don't take me to no mosque". We do our religious things separately and we respect each others faiths.
Personally, for me, I find it is easier for me to find Christians and agnostics that accept me far more than Muslim men. Most of the Muslim men I know are very traditional. I have even been warned away from one who I thought had a true interest in me, as I was told, "he will use you for now and then his family will have him marry someone from his own community - NOT an American.
If my man and I don't make it, it will not be because of religion (I will admit rocky waters), rather it will be personal differences of which I ignored some red flags early on. If we don't make it, I really would like to be with a Muslim man, and I do want to get married again, but I fear the constant rejection from "not being Muslim enough" (yes, I have been told that) or a man that wants to reign me in.
BTW, a lesson I learned from my failed marriage and my parents successful yet turbulent marriage: commitment and hard work are extremely important.
Also, in agreement with another poster, I said: It is better to be with someone like minded when you run the gamut with little kids.
Marriage is a series of hills and valleys. You will not always feel in love, but you have to find ways to bring it back. Trust and COMMUNICATION are key - so is an imagination.
One last thought: "courting" sounds like what you should be doing. Ah, what I would do for a man that properly courted me (before and during our marriage). sigh.... wistful sigh....
I hope I can answer your question about how you can be in a relationship with someone of differing beliefs without forcing your own on her. It's easy and it's difficult. The first step is very very important. Do you believe the same where it matters most to you? If yes, continue to step two, if no - move on, you will not be right together.
There are fundamental things that a couple must know about each other to determine if they can make it in the long haul: 1. religion, 2. kids and parenting style, 3. household expectations (i.e. roles), and 4. anything else that YOU personally might consider a "deal breaker". Don't compromise on these things, it will only cause resentment in the long run. Also, truly know yourself and be able to be honest with yourself. This may sound trite to some, but I personally believe that most men and women these days do not really know themselves until close to thirty.
Step two: if you don't want religion to be an issue, it won't be, but make SURE that she is on the same page with that. My boyfriend of over a year now is Chaldean. We were each warned by a common friend that (she's a Muslim) and (he's a Christian) because of our religious differences. But, I am a progressive Muslim with a Christian family and Christian children. I'm also an interfaith advocate. He's simply not that religious. Religion is not an issue for us because we don't make it one. His exact words to me one day (after asking if he wanted to go to church with us - the kids wanted to go), "don't take me to no church and don't take me to no mosque". We do our religious things separately and we respect each others faiths.
Personally, for me, I find it is easier for me to find Christians and agnostics that accept me far more than Muslim men. Most of the Muslim men I know are very traditional. I have even been warned away from one who I thought had a true interest in me, as I was told, "he will use you for now and then his family will have him marry someone from his own community - NOT an American.
If my man and I don't make it, it will not be because of religion (I will admit rocky waters), rather it will be personal differences of which I ignored some red flags early on. If we don't make it, I really would like to be with a Muslim man, and I do want to get married again, but I fear the constant rejection from "not being Muslim enough" (yes, I have been told that) or a man that wants to reign me in.
BTW, a lesson I learned from my failed marriage and my parents successful yet turbulent marriage: commitment and hard work are extremely important.
Also, in agreement with another poster, I said: It is better to be with someone like minded when you run the gamut with little kids.
Marriage is a series of hills and valleys. You will not always feel in love, but you have to find ways to bring it back. Trust and COMMUNICATION are key - so is an imagination.
One last thought: "courting" sounds like what you should be doing. Ah, what I would do for a man that properly courted me (before and during our marriage). sigh.... wistful sigh....
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