Angels Among Us

I believe there is goodness in all of mankind, no matter how buried and untenable it may seem at times. I was an awestruck witness and gracious recipient of a stranger's kindness the other day.

I've been helped by strangers before, but never like this. When I was 16, I was picked up by a trucker when my Chevette blew it's radiator and cracked it's head.  I remember feeling trepidatious when he offered me a ride, but I had my pepper-spray opened and hidden in my fist... just in case. When I settled in and we headed down the highway to find a place to turn around, he told me the reason he stopped to help me, "I have a daughter your age. I knew I had to stop because I know I am safe and I know too many people are not. I'd want someone like me to help my daughter if she needed it, so I had to help you. I wasn't going to be able to drive past you and not know if you would be safe". I relaxed at the point.

He took me to a gas station in my hometown where I was able to call my uncle to pick me up and take me home. My grandfather was a trucker; he and I were very close before his death at my tender age of six. I couldn't help myself from thinking that he was watching over me and had sent that kind trucker to rescue me.

Angels are everywhere and make themselves known when you least expect it, but greatly need them.  I had another incident of a roadside rescue. I don't remember exactly what happened to my car, but I know that I was on my way to the hospital and had been following my parents. They were focused on getting to the hospital, so they didn't realize that I was no longer behind them. Cell phones were still not readily available, so I had no way to reach my parents. It was dark, and I was worried that I wouldn't get to the hospital in time and I was scared of being stuck on the roadside at night. I was barely stranded for five minutes before someone stopped to help me. I couldn't believe my luck - not only did I know the couple that had stopped to help me, but they were also headed to the same hospital, but for a different reason. I was safe and I had a ride to the hospital. Was it coincidence? Luck? Angels? I'm sticking with angels.

I've had a myriad of such instances over my thirty-some years. I always thank God for sending me these angels. My most recent angel experience took place in the grocery store and I was overcome with tears of joy from this kind strange/angel that I met.

My kids and I had been grocery shopping and were waiting in the check out line. This older gentleman brought up his cart to wait behind us and said hello to me. I, of course, greeted him back. He commented that I had my bears with me. I was a little confused and it must have shown on my face, because he nodded toward my kids and told me that is what he called his kids, his "bears". I smiled and nodded. He told me that there were some great kids movies on at the theater and asked if had been to see any of them.  I informed him that we hadn't, as going to the movies simply didn't fit in our budget at this time. He nodded and agreed that the economy has been hurting everyone lately. He then asked me to watch his cart and wandered off.

I didn't mind watching his cart and keeping his place in line, although I got a little nervous as I was about to check out and he hadn't returned yet. Suddenly he returned with a grocery bag in hand. He handed it to me and said that he hoped it would help me take the kids to the movies. I could see that there was some candy in the bag, for the kids, and I thanked him, but told him he "didn't need to do that". I am ever prideful at times. He explained to me that he missed his kids and that he wanted to make my kids happy and think about that. It was the first time I noticed the sadness in his eyes. I thanked him again, this time gratefully.

I handed off the bag to my daughter and returned my attention to the cashier. My daughter pulled on my top and said mommy, there's a dollar in here. I looked at the bag she held open and saw for the first time the extent of this man's generosity in his gift to me and my children. It was not a dollar as my daughter thought, but a twenty dollar bill. Twenty dollars and two bags of M&Ms. My head snapped up to meet his eyes. I started getting choked up and started blubbering that it "was too much". He shook his head and told me that he wanted us to have it. He missed his children and wished that he could have more time with them, and if he could make my kids happy in their place, it made him happy to do it. I was overcome with gratitude, as I never really get a chance to do fun thing,s like going to the movies, with my kids. I was also overcome with his sorrow. The tears sprang from my eyes as I approached him to bless him and give him a hug of thanks - and also because I felt he needed to feel the love a hug gives.

The following day I took my kids to see The Life of Pi.

The final part of our conversation involved him introducing himself to me and naming the church that he attends. I shook my head to indicate that I am not familiar with that church and he chuckled and said, "us Catholics aren't all bad". I'm not sure why he said that, but considering how often people in general stereotype people who follow certain religions, and I am fully aware of the Catholic stereotype, he probably supposed that I have something against Catholicism when I didn't recognize the church name. I was tempted to quip back that neither are "us Muslims" all bad. I didn't because I didn't want the focus of what he did for us change into something else. I am always at the ready for inter-religious dialogue, but I felt in this instant that the potentially ensuing discussion might detract from the kindness that he showed to us. I just wanted to bask in his generosity and let him do the same.

I pray that God bestows blessings upon this kind man and that he gets to spend more time with the family he so misses. I hope that kindness flows to him as it flowed from him. Thank you again, kind sir. 

Interfaith Marriage - Take 2

When I wrote my first post about interfaith marriage, I was speaking from opinion, not experience. Now, I can speak at least somewhat from experience. As some may realize, from reading my self-expose, I was born and raised Christian - Episcopalian, to be exact. When I converted to Islam, I was still married and living with my husband, who was Christian, raised Dutch reformed. He wasn’t thrilled that I converted, but since he knew how I felt about religion – that I wasn’t going to push anything on him and that we had both already decided that our children would choose their own paths in life (with our guidance to love God and others), it wasn’t a very big issue for him. As for my new Muslim friends, I was told that I should divorce, as a Muslim woman cannot be married to a Christian man (for more info, read my post regarding these opinions). Others told me that because I converted after I married, that I had no reason to end the marriage. I had no intention of divorcing over religion. 

I will admit that although my husband didn't care that I converted, he did have an issue with what I was going to tell our children or what I might do in front of them (pray or maybe wear hijab) or where I might take them (the mosque). I didn't feel it would be appropriate to have such a drastic change for my kids, so I agreed at first to "keep it on the down-low". I mentioned things here and there, and the kids saw me pray on occasion, but I would never take them to the mosque, unless they wanted to go (they didn't). Thus, things were fine in our household, regarding religion. 

Sometimes my husband and I would debate Islam and Christianity, as I love to debate (and finally we disagreed on something to debate about). It was apparent that it was going to be a subject we were going to have to agree to disagree on. Part of his animosity towards hearing anything about Islam came from his parents, who consider Islam to be evil. They questioned how I could convert to such an evil ideology. I tried to explain to them that Islam was not evil and the terrorists like Osama Bin Laden did not represent the whole of Islam, rather only a fringe element, like any other religion (see my post on extremism for more info), but my explanations fell on deaf ears. I even told my mother-in-law, at one point, "you know me and how important peace is to me, I want to go into peace work even - I am not going to convert to something that is evil and hateful." Nothing I said mattered. 

One day, while on a drive, I asked my husband if I could read a Sura to him. I wanted him to hear how similar to the bible it was. He allowed me to, so I read Sura 19, Maryam, to him. He was surprised at what he heard. Of course, we discussed the differences in the Jesus birth stories, but he admitted it sounded much like what is in the Bible. He allowed me to read a few other small Suras to him and admitted there was nothing bad there. He seemed to relax about my conversion a bit more and even told me I could take the kids to the mosque with me if I wanted to (I still didn't as I didn't think they were ready). 

Before I continue with this story... I should apprise you of some vital information. My marriage was on the rocks before I converted. There was some hope of reconciliation, but at his abandonment of marriage therapy, all hope I had vanished. This is a bit of a he-said/she-said issue, but the point is, my marriage was not in a happy place and hadn't been for a long time.  I don't believe that my conversion had anything to do with our resulting divorce. On with the story...

So, my husband filed for divorce about four months after I converted. The reason I was told that reconciliation was not possible was to do with my decision to return to school to study religion and Arabic. He was not supportive of this decision, but as it was vital to my health and sanity, I took doctors' recommendations to do so (another long story for another day). Again, religion was not the cause of my failed marriage, but it certainly played in the resulting divorce legalities and custody dispute. Perhaps I should have titled this post "Interfaith Divorce".

I was never so shocked in my life to read the divorce papers and see that he was seeking full legal and physical custody of our children, listing among other things, my conversion and the "need" to keep our children Christian. Until that point, I didn't know that religion could play a part in a custody suit. I didn't know I could lose my children for converting. I was furious, of course. He knew I had no intention of stuffing my beliefs down our children's' throats, just as I didn't as a Christian. As far as I am concerned, this choice was being driven by his parents and their fears and his anger toward me for choosing school. What was supposed to be a simple easy divorce turned out to be nothing but. 
 

The custody battle waged on for almost a year. I almost lost them to him physically (but not legally, as he dropped that) as the referee in Montcalm County couldn't say enough about Islam and my immature conversion. I was even accused by this man of potentially leaving the country. He ridiculed me for converting and it was obvious that Islam was playing a big role in his decision to award custody to my ex-husband. I had never felt truly discriminated before in my life, as I did that day. My heart felt like it dropped through the floor. Here I was, fighting to keep joint custody of our children, as I felt it was important that they have both mom and dad as much as possible and I was going to lose them over religion. Was this the USA? I was in shock. I didn't believe that this sort of thing could happen in our country. The really terrible part about it was that I had already agreed to continue raising our children as Christians. Since I believe in the interfaith movement, I had no issue with this. Still, small-town thinking in rural USA was going to take away my babies.

I fought. I praise Allah, my lawyer, and justice that the judge ruled in my favor when we protested the referee's recommendation. I had discussed the matter with CAIR and was ready to pursue the outright discrimination with them, if need be, but since I won in the long run, I decided to drop it - I had my kids, and that is what mattered most to me. I may still pursue something, to make sure that no one else in Montcalm County or the State of Michigan goes through what I went through, but I don't know if I have already waited too long. The battle was hard fought and it was a relief to my kids when they learned they were going to stay with mommy (we live two hours from each other now, so during the week they had to live either with him or me). I drive them back and forth to their father every weekend (that little caveat the judge through in still makes no sense to me - I  thought "joint" meant that we would continue to meet half-way).
 

Things now have mostly settled down. My kids have their bibles (I had to laugh that his parents thought they had to supply them with bibles for use at my house, as if I don't have 4 different versions on my shelf, already available to them, as well as almost two full shelves of Christian readings. (And many books about other religions and mythologies.) My kids know that Mommy and Daddy don't believe exactly the same. They know some Arabic and a little about Islam. They like saying Bismillah before eating. I still don't take them to the mosque, as I don't go often myself now that I am almost two hours from my home mosque. I do however drag them to Muslim Student Association and MSU Interfaith Council meetings from time to time. They've seen me in hijab without freaking out. (My daughter has her own collection of scarves because she finds them pretty) I don't wear hijab normally, but still they have seen me in one. They love their Muslim babysitter and miss her now that school is in session. My son is voiceful about being Christian and I support him. My daughter is just happy to love God at this point. We pray together in our own ways. We discuss religion without taboos. We're happy. To me, that is the best part. 

Now, there is more... and for this, I already know all the lectures that may come. I am dating a new man. Yes, I know dating is considered haram, and I know why. This man is Iraqi, but he is not Muslim. He is Chaldean Catholic (Honestly, I didn't even know this existed before). My psychologist thought this was a hoot. Isn't it ironic that in this relationship, I, the American white girl is the Muslim, and he is the Iraqi brown boy Christian. Yup, that's my life alright, I like to do things backwards. Seriously though, even as a Christian, I never thought I would ever, ever date a Catholic. Catholics were what Episcopalians were not! (but, oh, so similar)

When I saw him, I had already committed to myself that I was not going to chase any man. That if a new man was going to come into my life, he would have to find his way to me. Well, all that went out the window when I looked up from my book and saw him. I knew instantly that I had to meet him. I saw him talk to an Egyptian, Muslim friend of mine, and I hoped I would be introduced. When that didn't happen, I took matters into my own hands. (I am ever willful) I introduced myself and after some chit chat, the new guy left my friend and I alone for a few moments. My friend said to me, "You should know, he's Christian." I responded with a simple, non-committal "OK." I later found out that my friend had also told this new guy, "You should know, she's Muslim." I guess he could tell there was something in the air between us. 

That was almost 9 months ago. Sometimes we talk about religion, and he is a good sport. He's honest and has no problems agreeing to disagree with me. I know that his sentiments about Islam come from persecution he and his family suffered in Iraq, as he is here as a refuge, but he doesn't seem to hold that against me and respects my right to believe as I wish, as I respect his. I have to admit that I think it helps that we are both "liberal" and perhaps more spiritual than religious. We have talked about marriage and children, and this might be one sticking point with me, but I haven't decided yet. He knows that another baby could hurt my health a lot, and he loves my kids already. He's said we don't need to have another child or we could adopt. I asked him the "what if?" and he replied that he would want his child raised Catholic. I asked about Islam. He agreed that Islam would not be hidden and that we would allow the child to choose for him/herself with gentle guidance to love God and others from us, as I already guide my children. We both love Jesus, so that is not an issue at all, of course. On one hand, that's good enough for me, but I know that is the me now speaking. Me later might become more "religious" and might want my child raised as a Muslim instead. At the same time, I still have two children I am raising Christian... what's one more? I pray and I know that God will give me the guidance I need when the time comes.

So here I am, a esoteric-ish, post-Episcopal Christian, Muslim, divorced from a Protestant Christian, raising two non-denominational Christians, dating a Chaldean Catholic Christian. Is it easy? Most of the time. The custody battle was the only part that wasn't, and I will admit it was probably the hardest time in my life thus far. Overall though, I think interfaith relationships/marriages/families can work, with the proper attitudes, communication, cooperation, and respect. 

I think I need to call my Buddhist cousin now...