Traditions - A Line in the Sand

Salam Alaykum, my readers! And Happy New Year! (albeit a bit late - but at least the earth is still turning with us still on it!)

My blatherings have trailed off for a time because I had become buried in the humdrum of life. Well, it hasn't been all humdrum... The holidays were fantastic as I celebrated Christmas with my family. I may know where the date of December 25th originates, and I may no longer be a card-holding Christian, but I love our family holiday traditions. This year I found that they were more important to WHO I AM than I ever before realized. 

Its interesting how life shows you your priorities when you lest expect it. My sweet man and I were traveling a few rough roads over the course of fall, but we were trying... trying t hold on to what we had found in each other, yet grappling with learning the fine technique of compromise. In this process, we fell not to blending our boundaries, but drawing them firmly in the sand. My line was Thanksgiving. 

I had told myself over and over again after my divorce that I should never allow myself to be completely lost in another person again. It is important to maintain an independent persona to avoid becoming lost, floating in the realms of depression, not knowing who you are anymore. I decided that there were certain things I was not willing to give up to keep my romantic partner happy. One of those things was the dream of having my family with me for those wonderful traditions we celebrate each year. I think that this need to have my partner at my side for such events became ever more strong due to the fact that every other year I must face them without my children, as I must now share them with their father, separately. This loss is simply too much for me to bare alone - when there IS someone in my life who (in my mind) SHOULD be there with me, understanding my pain in those moments. This past Thanksgiving was the first time I was going to not have my kids with me. And Christmas was to follow much the same. 

For reasons I still don't completely understand, my sweet man decided he did not want to attend ANY Thanksgiving with me nor with his family. I pleaded, but it was a resolute, "NO." I felt devastated. I almost didn't even go to my parents' house. I just wanted to sleep in my dark living room, on my comfy couch, with the shades drawn. Finally, I decided that the tradition was more important to me. I called him up and told him I was done. I didn't want to live this way, being alone when I thought I had a family. I picked myself up by my bootstraps and went to my parents'.

A week passed and we didn't speak. I missed my neanderthal man, but I wanted certain tings in my life, and my man by my side for the things I find important is one of them. I missed having a family, and I have a belief in the way family is "supposed" to be; at least the way I wanted it to be. 

I honestly can't recall what happened to bring us back together, but it seemed neither of us really wanted to be apart. We missed each other, no matter how much we drive each other crazy at times.  I worried as Christmas came, because I was afraid he would back out again and again I would be alone. He stayed true to his word, however, and he not only stayed with me on Christmas day (I was very willing to go to his family's Christmas, but he wanted to just stay home), but also joined my family and I when the children returned on New Years Eve. I felt whole. I had a family again.

Since our return to each other, we have learned how to compromise, even in regard to the holidays.  I can tell our love grows more and more each day, and I find that although he is not romantic in a traditional sense, he does sweet things to take care of me... he even sought out Stouffer's Mac & Cheese and a Coke for me one evening when my uterus felt like it wanted to explode. Who needs flowers when you have a sweet man to hold you and make you feel safe and loved?

Compromise is extremely important in relationships, but so is individuality. If you must draw a line in the sand, make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons. It must not be about control, but about being true to yourself. Don't forget that you fell in love with your partner because of who s/he was when you met them - do you really want to lose all of his/her individuality to the relationship? 

Angels Among Us

I believe there is goodness in all of mankind, no matter how buried and untenable it may seem at times. I was an awestruck witness and gracious recipient of a stranger's kindness the other day.

I've been helped by strangers before, but never like this. When I was 16, I was picked up by a trucker when my Chevette blew it's radiator and cracked it's head.  I remember feeling trepidatious when he offered me a ride, but I had my pepper-spray opened and hidden in my fist... just in case. When I settled in and we headed down the highway to find a place to turn around, he told me the reason he stopped to help me, "I have a daughter your age. I knew I had to stop because I know I am safe and I know too many people are not. I'd want someone like me to help my daughter if she needed it, so I had to help you. I wasn't going to be able to drive past you and not know if you would be safe". I relaxed at the point.

He took me to a gas station in my hometown where I was able to call my uncle to pick me up and take me home. My grandfather was a trucker; he and I were very close before his death at my tender age of six. I couldn't help myself from thinking that he was watching over me and had sent that kind trucker to rescue me.

Angels are everywhere and make themselves known when you least expect it, but greatly need them.  I had another incident of a roadside rescue. I don't remember exactly what happened to my car, but I know that I was on my way to the hospital and had been following my parents. They were focused on getting to the hospital, so they didn't realize that I was no longer behind them. Cell phones were still not readily available, so I had no way to reach my parents. It was dark, and I was worried that I wouldn't get to the hospital in time and I was scared of being stuck on the roadside at night. I was barely stranded for five minutes before someone stopped to help me. I couldn't believe my luck - not only did I know the couple that had stopped to help me, but they were also headed to the same hospital, but for a different reason. I was safe and I had a ride to the hospital. Was it coincidence? Luck? Angels? I'm sticking with angels.

I've had a myriad of such instances over my thirty-some years. I always thank God for sending me these angels. My most recent angel experience took place in the grocery store and I was overcome with tears of joy from this kind strange/angel that I met.

My kids and I had been grocery shopping and were waiting in the check out line. This older gentleman brought up his cart to wait behind us and said hello to me. I, of course, greeted him back. He commented that I had my bears with me. I was a little confused and it must have shown on my face, because he nodded toward my kids and told me that is what he called his kids, his "bears". I smiled and nodded. He told me that there were some great kids movies on at the theater and asked if had been to see any of them.  I informed him that we hadn't, as going to the movies simply didn't fit in our budget at this time. He nodded and agreed that the economy has been hurting everyone lately. He then asked me to watch his cart and wandered off.

I didn't mind watching his cart and keeping his place in line, although I got a little nervous as I was about to check out and he hadn't returned yet. Suddenly he returned with a grocery bag in hand. He handed it to me and said that he hoped it would help me take the kids to the movies. I could see that there was some candy in the bag, for the kids, and I thanked him, but told him he "didn't need to do that". I am ever prideful at times. He explained to me that he missed his kids and that he wanted to make my kids happy and think about that. It was the first time I noticed the sadness in his eyes. I thanked him again, this time gratefully.

I handed off the bag to my daughter and returned my attention to the cashier. My daughter pulled on my top and said mommy, there's a dollar in here. I looked at the bag she held open and saw for the first time the extent of this man's generosity in his gift to me and my children. It was not a dollar as my daughter thought, but a twenty dollar bill. Twenty dollars and two bags of M&Ms. My head snapped up to meet his eyes. I started getting choked up and started blubbering that it "was too much". He shook his head and told me that he wanted us to have it. He missed his children and wished that he could have more time with them, and if he could make my kids happy in their place, it made him happy to do it. I was overcome with gratitude, as I never really get a chance to do fun thing,s like going to the movies, with my kids. I was also overcome with his sorrow. The tears sprang from my eyes as I approached him to bless him and give him a hug of thanks - and also because I felt he needed to feel the love a hug gives.

The following day I took my kids to see The Life of Pi.

The final part of our conversation involved him introducing himself to me and naming the church that he attends. I shook my head to indicate that I am not familiar with that church and he chuckled and said, "us Catholics aren't all bad". I'm not sure why he said that, but considering how often people in general stereotype people who follow certain religions, and I am fully aware of the Catholic stereotype, he probably supposed that I have something against Catholicism when I didn't recognize the church name. I was tempted to quip back that neither are "us Muslims" all bad. I didn't because I didn't want the focus of what he did for us change into something else. I am always at the ready for inter-religious dialogue, but I felt in this instant that the potentially ensuing discussion might detract from the kindness that he showed to us. I just wanted to bask in his generosity and let him do the same.

I pray that God bestows blessings upon this kind man and that he gets to spend more time with the family he so misses. I hope that kindness flows to him as it flowed from him. Thank you again, kind sir. 

For Shame

Religion News Service | Blogs | Omid Safi - What Would Muhammad Do? | Saudis say No to the Prophet Muhammad, Yes to Paris Hilton


What's really not funny about this is that it seems Mecca is becoming what it was before Mohammed. Why did the Quraysh tribe try to kill him? Because he was interrupting the tribe's economic gains from the pilgrimages to worship the idols. Tsk. We are supposed to learn from our past, so as NOT to repeat it. Is today's' Mecca any better than in pagan times? May Allah guide them...

How Tidy is Your Home?

No, this is not the home in my tale. 

Recently, I visited someone's home and I was struck by how empty it was. You could barely tell anyone lived there. There was furniture - study and practical. Not shabby, but definitely used. Not fancy, but not strictly utilitarian either. The couches were comfy. The only real evidence I saw that people lived in this home was the fully stocked fridge and part of an apple that didn't quite make it into the garbage disposal. Everything was very clean and tidy. No personal affects, not photos, and no knickknacks, accept for the icons of Christ and Mary on the wall in one corner. A huge, brand new, flat screen took residence in another corner.

I was given a tour of the rest of the home, and the sparseness continued to shock my senses. Even the children's  rooms were mostly bare. The beds were neatly made, and a few stuffed bears decorated the walls. Where was the mess? Where were the family pictures? I know the temperature was set low, but I felt chilled more from the emptiness I continued to see. Why did it shock me so? Because I had seen the downstairs first. That was an entirely different and opposite scene.

I was being given an extra microwave that the family had, as mine had died a week before. (Don't run a microwave for 10 minutes with nothing in it - my son accidentally found this out when he attempted to use the microwave for a timer). The downstairs of this house looked almost like a scene out of "Hoarders". Things were piled (fairly organized) to the ceiling in most corners and along most walls. I knew that the family had rental properties, and since many of the items appeared to be spare parts and housewares, I assumed that the downstairs is where they stored their supplies for their rentals. So, compared to the downstairs, yes, the bare upstairs was jolting.

My brain rarely rests. I got to thinking of my own home. My "mess", as I call it. It is really difficult for me to keep my place tidy as a single, working mom of two young children. I think it was even worse when I was a full time student. I believe in letting kids play and not barking at them to pick up their toys every five minutes. That was something my ex-husband was always fond of doing and always drove me crazy. I remember what it is like to be a kid. You want to get your toys out and play, play, play! If you put one thing away before getting out another, then how can you suddenly invent new games and imaginary worlds because you suddenly realize that you can place with these mismatched toys together? Granted, I do wish they would pick up better at the end of the night.

Nope, not my home either, although it is a fairly accurate representation much of the time. 

Still, even if my kids picked up their things better every night and I didn't have toys strewn from the front door to their bedroom (and for some reason, in the bathroom), my place would still feel and look VERY lived in. I have knickknacks... everywhere. Pictures of family and friends line the window sills, breakfast bar, and entertainment system. Paintings and beautiful framed art/photos are hung on every wall. The bulkheads of my kitchen are each filled with pots, pans, antiques, and the like. My cupboard tops are coated with fake plants or more antiques or knickknacks - most of which are family heirlooms. I have too much furniture - I blame my mom for breeding that trait into me. My books overflow from my giant bookshelves. They are found in every corner, in stacks, on end tables, and ever free shelf I can find. Some even line the floor in front of the book cases. Those are typically the kids books (why do they never find their place back on the shelf?).

I wouldn't mind having this...

My eclectic tastes are displayed for all to see, a bit like my personality. My life is an open book. Ask, and I answer. I rarely try to hide what I think or feel. It suddenly occurred to me that my friend's home that I visited reflected his personality as well. It reminded me of a glacier. You don't see the whole thing until you go below the surface. He's like that. He is extremely private and doesn't have a lot of "stuff". But once you get past the empty facade on the surface, there is a lot of "stuff" inside. That's where his "mess" hides - out of sight. It then reminded me of all those perfect homes that I sometimes envy. They have character, are decorated, and have family affects - but everything is nice and tidy. They don't have to worry about someone stopping over unexpectedly. They don't have to rush to clean up the mess, or shrug when there is no time. But, those home often have secrets tucked nicely away too, just like the people that live in them.

This whole thought process gives me pause. You can read someone's writing or view someone's art and know their deepest thoughts and fears. Why wouldn't our homes reflect our souls in the same way? It seems to me that it makes perfect sense that our homes would reflect something about who we are. I haven't done any research yet to see if I am on to something (therapists and psychologists are probably rolling their eyes, saying, "duh" at me right now, if reading this). I intend to do the research. Why? I like to understand people. I need to be able to understand people better to be effective in interfaith relations.

Until I get that research done, I am curious to ask you, my reader, to lend your voice to this theory of mine. Do you see what I see? Does your home truly reflect you? What about family or friends (its usually to see these things in others, rather than ourselves)? How tidy is your home?

Some links to share (I haven't actually read these yet, but I intend to!):

• What Our Stuff Says about Us
• Your home is your castle - so, what if it's a dump?
• WHAT OUR HOUSES SAY ABOUT US

I look forward to all of your comments!!

Proto-Orthodoxy Canon Logic

After reading the “Muratorian Canon” fragment and Irenaeus’ Against the Heretics, it seems to me that the proto-orthodox Christians already had a creed in mind, and if the writings of the Jesus followers didn't fit with their idea of who Jesus was, it wasn't included. Specifically, the writings needed to indicate Jesus’ miraculous birth, crucifixion, and resurrection. These were the requirements, as well as an indication that Jesus was the Savior who was divine.

Writings that were from the gnostic groups were immediately considered heresy by Iranaeus, especially anything that referred to mysteries. Iranaeus held a definition of truth for Christianity to be that which speaks of Jesus being born of a virgin, the passion, and his resurrection and bodily ascension to heaven; Jesus was Son of God, Lord, Savior, King, and God (him)self. God was one and only, and the creator of all, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Anything that deviated from this or the teachings found in the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John were considered heresy by him, especially the gnostic materials, as he said “their statements are quite varied and numerous”.  He also equates Gnosticism with idolatry and as practitioners of magic.

Iranaeus also objected to the gnostic tendency to do anything they desired because they believed there was no such thing as a good or bad deed – that the classification is a human creation, opinion, and to be ignored, as they (the Gnostics) felt that it was the souls desire to experience everything to grow and transcend the need for the human body. All of this to Iranaeus was out of his realm of thinking for what he thought Christianity was or should be, thus he despised it and pushed forward his definition as if it was the norm.

This is a response paper that was originally written in reference to the “Muratorian Canon” fragment and Irenaeus’ Against the Heretics (pp. 196-211 of After the New Testament
A Reader in Early Christianity) for REL 420: Birth of Christianity at Michigan State University on 3/27/12.

Religious vs. Political Islam

Having read Tariq Ramadan’s article, Good Muslim, Bad Muslim from the New Statesman website published on February 12, 2010, I find myself agreeing with his premises. He is correct when he points out that the term “terrorist” is subjective, and it is the “winners” or the majority that get to decide the labels; in this case, the West. I would argue, however, that “terrorist” is not a completely subjective term. The threat of and/or killing of innocents to promote fear in hopes of obtaining power will always be “terrorism” in my book, regardless of who is committing the acts. If we (America) are committing terrorism in the Middle East with our actions, I would hope that those of us with sound minds would condemn the acts just as if they were committed against our own people. The double standard that seems to play out these days leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I also agree with Ramadan’s stance that religious and political extremism or moderation do not necessarily go hand in hand. Where I disagree is the idea that you can completely disentangle socio-economic politics from religion. Our beliefs, often our religion, typically dictate our desires and actions. Our personal alignment in politics is based on those fundamental beliefs about life and how it should be lived. Tell me then, how you can have one (politics) apart from the other (religion).

I find myself frustrated because I agree with so much of what Ramadan wrote in this article, but instead of helping find a solution on how to move forward, I think he muddies the water by suggesting we only deal with political Islam. Perhaps I am simply not convinced that we will find a moderate religious Muslim as an extremist, although I do think it may be possible to find an extremist religious Muslim who does not act in an extreme political way. Maybe it is a rectangle-square relationship. Not all rectangles are squares, but all squares are rectangles. Maybe all political extremists are also religious extremists, but not all religious extremists are political extremists. It would be interesting to find out via some study.

Until I can find the studies I am looking for, I personally intend to help the voice of moderate Islam rise. We are not invisible and we do condemn the actions of the fringe elements that inflict pain and injury upon the innocent.

This is a response paper that was originally written in reference to Tariq Ramadan’s article, Good Muslim, Bad Muslim from the New Statesman website published on February 12, 2010 for REL 432: Modern Muslim Thought at Michigan State University in September 2012

The Science of Religion

In The Evolution and Devolution of Religious Knowledge by Abdul-Karim Soroush, an idea that I can identify with is given about what people call religious knowledge. First, is that it is not knowledge, per se. I agree with Soroush that divine scripture is indeed divine, but the meaning we humans derive from the words given to us is completely human, which means that it too (like humans) can be full of error.

Because I have a Bachelors of Science in Biology, I am quite familiar with scientific inquiry, methodology, and theories. I am aware that in science, nothing can be proved; only disproved. Everything else is a theory until it is generally accepted and holds up against criticism and experiments to disprove. If a theory holds up, it is considered a law (as in a law of nature), but even laws can be disproved. It is no different with the study of religion. Proof may exist, but we will have to die to find it (perhaps repeatedly if reincarnation is true).

Soroush also explains how every interpretation of religion begins with preconceived notions and assumptions. From personal experiences to the societal whole, our perceptions are biased. As he explains, just asking the question biases the answer. Again, it is the same for science and, I would add, statistics. Asking the question is great, but often not all the variables are considered. So what gets missed? Perhaps we will never know. Perhaps someone else will consider those variables and come up with their own interpretation.

When I consider what I have learned in my religious studies, about the vast array of ideas and beliefs, I can’t help but see Soroush’s points about religious “knowledge”. That to me does not create a problem with faith, as his critics may see it. I think that acknowledging our human shortcomings can only help move us forward, because how else can we grow without knowing where we fail? You can’t fix what you don’t believe is broken. If anyone thinks we humans are perfect, then why would we need God? Perfection is the goal, but we haven’t met it yet. If we had, our world would be a much better place: a garden with lush rivers flowing underneath.

This is a response paper that was originally written in reference to The Evolution and Devolution of Religious Knowledge by Abdul-Karim Soroush for REL 432: Modern Muslim Thought at Michigan State University in September 2012