I have been trying to decide what would be my first actual blog post (as the first one obviously was not a discussion topic per say); I think I found it.
Tonight I read an article about interfaith marriage that I found from one of my fellow tweeters: http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/guestvoices/2010/07/chelsea_clinton_and_marc_mezvinsky_religion_and_interfaith_marriage.html
This topic, along with interracial marriages, has been one I have thought about and discussed with others since before I even started dating. I remember talking to my father about it and his thought was that it was a bad idea because of cultural differences that could be too great to overcome and could make the relationship very difficult. Of course, he also warned of how society not only views these relationships, but also how they treat the couple and and children they might have. I remember challenging with the "and what if I come home with a (enter a different ethnicity or religion here) boyfriend"? He quipped, "I'd disown you", but I knew he was not serious. But it did make him stop and think.
The article listed above irritated me when I read it. It referred to the idea of having one of the religions be the "lead" religion, and to still respect and acknowledge the other. I wonder how a couple would decide this. Draw from a hat? Draw straws? Have a debate about who's religion is better? If they are both firm in their beliefs, who decides? From the little I know, in Islam, it is ok to marry someone from another religion, but the children (if the father is Muslim) will be raised Muslim. I guess someone in the relationship could make their religion a "deal breaker" if it is that important to be the leader. I have always believed in equality and mutual respect. To me, having a "lead" religion shows neither.
Jewish and Christian? Christian and Muslim? Muslim and Jewish (somehow I think this does not happen regularly...)? Buddhist and Catholic? The combinations I suppose are as endless and the different spiritual beliefs people have. Heck... even in a particular religion there can be issues. Catholic and Protestant (oh my!)? Shia and Sunni (have mercy!)? Etc.. You get my point.
Even in a relationship where both are say... non-Catholic Christians. You can still end up not agreeing completely about your specific beliefs. Sure, in general you might go to the same church (or not.. Methodist and Lutheran anyone?), but do you agree 100% on every aspect of your spirituality? Probably not. Why? Your experiences from birth to whatever age you are now help define who you are, and also your spirituality. I think I can guarantee that no couple has ever had the exact same experiences individually. Its pretty much impossible for a heterosexual couple... I mean one partner has the experience of being female, and the other, male. (Duh)
I think the best way to deal with this question, IMHO, is to decide... how important is my exact spirituality, or religion, to me? Is it a make it or break it issue? What if you feel so strongly for someone... this is your one true love? Then, if your partner is more important than your individual religion... treat each other as equals. If you can't do that, then I guess you are a make it or break it person. But don't wait until after you marry to figure this out... Divorce is expensive, I hear. (So is therapy...)
What do you think?
Peace
Edited 7/29/10 at 1:11 am to add: This article is well written and very aprapo, http://url4.eu/6Wv7s. Here is another that ddutifully explains statistics in relation to the last article: http://url4.eu/6WGBL
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